General

Relationships are important to everyone. We share them with our family and friends, and often even make new ones. But have you ever considered that some of these relationships may be one-sided? This article will shed light on how you can tell if the relationship is one-sided and what you could do about it.
Do you feel like you’re the only one putting in the effort to make your relationship work? Do you try to get your partner to open up more, or do more things with you, only to be left feeling disappointed and frustrated?
Please note that you cannot force someone to love you, no matter how hard you try.
Why do people say they are in love when they are not truly in love?
You start dating and discover the surprises of another person. You find yourself excited and want to take that risk to allow yourself to trust being vulnerable and open. Unselfishly, you find yourself creating more space in your life for the person and doing a lot to show how much you care for the person.
But, as time goes on, you begin to realize that you are the person who always initiates by saying “I love you” and that although your partner is saying, “I love you too” as a response, you observe that your partner is just not making much effort to demonstrate that you are as special as you feel that your partner is to you. It begins to dawn on you that maybe you are in a one-sided relationship.

One-sided relationships occur when one person falls deeply in love but the other person is more in a state of fondness or only open to a more casual relationship. Yet, the person who is not in love is saying “I love you” to the person who is deeply in love. This creates confusion in the relationship.
Usually, partners enjoy receiving admiration and being the center of another person’s world. It is exciting to receive love. Thus, when faced with a partner saying, “I love you,” some partners just repeat the words because they don’t want to lose the person who is in love with them.
Some partners may even feel a strong connection or adoration for the person who loves them, but mostly it is about not wanting to lose the person’s attention, companionship, and all the things that the partner is bringing to his/her life through love. So, the reason for someone to say “I love you” can occasionally come from a selfish heart instead of a faithful loving heart.
People can also try to deceive themselves into believing that they are in love because they don’t want to hurt the other person.
Also, some people have not developed a deeper level of self-awareness to truly recognize what they are feeling inside. He/She may not even understand that they are not in love but are only enjoying the fact that you love them. They may also feel captivated by you. They may have imagined having a caring partner like you, but they cannot trust you are the real partner that has finally come.

Signs that You Both are in Love

People who are in love appreciate the love and feel worthy of it such that when one partner gives love, the other partner returns love easily.
This can reflect how partners communicate their feelings to each other. Both partners feel comfortable expressing and initiating by saying, “I love you,’ instead of the other person responding with, “Ditto (I love you too).”

• When love is mutual, the ways of showing how much you value and respect one another increase over time. Physically affectionate behaviors increase such as always wanting to be close when in public and also increase in communications.
• When love is give-and-take, both partners share the work and responsibilities.
  Both partners make each other a high priority in each other’s lives.
  In addition, partners who are mutually in love value positively impact each other.
• Partners who have deep mutual respect are ready to work on themselves for a harmonious relationship.
  When conflicts occur in the relationship, both partners are ready to talk about it without being defensive or making comments such as, “Well if I am not pleasing you or if I am not what you are looking for, maybe we should just end it because with all I have going on in my life, I don’t need this.” Instead, they are willing to work together to build bridges between the gaps.
• Last, mutually shared love nurtures the health of both partners such that they feel physically more vibrant as they spend more time together. Whilst, one-sided love tends to drain one partner energetically, emotionally, and physically. If you notice that your relationship is one-sided and also notice challenges with your health, you might take a critical look at the impact of your relationship on your well-being.

Signs of One-Sided Relationships

A one-sided relationship is when one person gives a lot, but the other person doesn’t give back. This can happen in friendships and romantic relationships.
It is very important to find out early in the dating process how your partner feels about reciprocating loving efforts. Find out if your partner is a natural giver and a person who enjoys nourishing and pampering others. Some partners imagine themselves as givers or those who enjoy pampering their partners but sometimes they behave otherwise.

• You are not their priority
• Your partner gives you bits of time and fits you in around all the many things in his or her life, instead of creating advanced plans to spend non-distracted time with you.
  They don’t seem to care about the important things to you like spending time with your family or friends
• Your lover never asks about how you are doing or what’s going on in your life
• They think they’re always right and everyone else is wrong
• They are very critical of others and often try to put people down or make them feel small
• He/She doesn’t listen to other people’s opinions, thoughts, or ideas; they only want to talk about themselves.
• You’re reluctant to express your feelings because you don’t want to upset them
• They don’t make an effort to get to know your family or friends
• Your partner always asks you to sacrifice your time and energy to do favors for him or her, yet will not reciprocate, they may rather get angry and say that you expect too much if you express disappointment or hurt that your partner is not reciprocating the priority you give to him or her.
• They suddenly start acting unfriendly or inconsiderate, or become defensive when you try to talk with them. They drive you away but try to make it seem as if your expectations are unrealistic or demanding.
• Last, they will deliberately sabotage the relationship to end it because it is not what they truly want.

How to Deal with One-Sided Relationships

Life is too short to engage in one-sided relationships. If you suspect or feel that you are in that relationship, try these strategies:

• Let your partner know you are feeling that things are not mutual in terms of expressions of love, priority, etc.
  Where there’s true love, your partner will admit that and be ready to work on that.” Give it some time to see if things will turn out well.
• Choosing to walk away, maintain your boundaries because often after breaking up they will suddenly pretend to be good. But not because they love you but rather, because they are missing what you bring to their lives. So, be wise because the moment you re-engage the relationship they may fall back into the same position.
• You have tried to make things work but it didn’t, So save yourself time, and avoid contacting the person. Encourage yourself that you deserve mutually selfless love with a partner who is ready to truly love back.

In a relationship, you should feel supported, safe, and happy. Don’t be made to feel like you need to change or apologize for who you are.

Recognizing that you are in a one-sided relationship and then deciding to make a change will be tough. It requires courage, commitment, honesty, and clarity to break free from the confines of a one-sided relationship. Try to understand the situation from your partner’s perspective.  Keep in mind that not all relationships can be both-sided. An ideal, two-sided relationship needs two individuals who are willing to give and receive love back and forth. In case your partner cannot do this, then the relationship isn’t balanced enough to sustain itself into something good. Recognize it before it’s too late.

By: Stephen Adzasu